I’ve been working on creating a new religion. It’s currently in pre-release alpha, send me email if you want to be notified when it releases for public beta. My religion has been designed from scratch to be easy to use and adopt, and the Total Cost of Ownership is pretty low (membership fee is only 2000 bucks).

Here are some of the Core Values:

Procrastination: Doing things NOW is bad. “Now” is better when it is in the distant, unseeable future. Avoid doing work as much as possible. Push deadlines as far as you can. Eventually, the person who cares most about it will do it. Your goal is to not be that person.

Money over Matter: You’ve heard of mind over matter. This is the next level. In a nutshell, this means you have to be extremely kanjoos. Get phone calls when everyone is paying up for the movie tickets, look busy and ask someone else to pay. Look the other way when the waiter brings the bill to the table. You get extra karma if you steal the tip meant for the waiter.

No Hard Work: Hard work is so 19th century. The 20th century mantra is ignorance. The lesser you know, the more room there is in your head for remembering the more important things in life, which neatly bring us to the next core value:

Idol Worship: Idol worship is strongly encouraged. You are even allowed to pick your own idols. Examples of good idols: Paris Hilton, Rakhee Savant, Pamela Anderson, Lara Croft and Hermione. Bad examples are anybody that works for a living.

Rituals and Festivals: All festivals have to compulsorily be on fridays or mondays. Working on weekends is a sin. Taking baths is optional, especially on holidays. Daily rituals include watching TV, swearing at random people in traffic and discussing your personal idols.

Holy places: Rio Carnival, beaches, Disneyland, Mardi gras and any place that has go-kart racing. Everyone is required to make a pilgrimage to at least one of the holy places every year. Bonus karma if you manage all in the same year.

Advertising Strategy: I have several punchlines for my religion in mind, but I can’t decide which one to go with.

Hard work produces results in the future. Procrastination produces results NOW! Adityaism. Because you’re worth it.

Adityaism: Membership fee, INR 2000. Dinner buffet and drinks for 2000 people, INR 100000. Marriage rituals that last less than 20 seconds, Priceless!

Adityaism: Because long weekends are the greatest gift from God.

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