After my Girlfriend and I decided to get married, it was time for the inevitable - Time for me to meet her parents.

To say I was terrified was an understatement. As the day came closer, I started imagining all kinds of doomsday scenarios that seemed very probable at that time:

“What if your Dad asks me ‘Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?’ “
“What if your Mom asks me if garam masala should be put in Sambar?”
“What if they ask me to code a recursive factorial in Java, and I mess it up?”

“Don’t worry. My parents are really nice people, they just want to meet you“, my GF tried to reassure me. But I didn’t believe her. That’s what the heroines in the movies always say, and before you know it, the soon-to-be-pop-in-law is chasing you with a gun. Case in point: Hritik Roshan in Kaho na pyaar hai.

I was not prepared for this at all, but D-day arrived anyway. T-2 hours: I’m a nervous wreck. Suddenly it hits me: “What should I wear?”

That’s the first time ever I’ve asked that question. In the past, I had never understood why my GF would wonder what to wear. “Anything you want. How does it matter?”, I always wanted to say. But in this instant, I realized the importance of this question. I began to see why women usually think of it as a life-and-death issue.

I finally get ready, and leave my house a little early, ’cause I don’t want to be late. I reach a full 30 minutes before the scheduled time, but I don’t want to be early either. So I keep driving around the house. After about 3 rounds, my phone rings. It’s my soon-to-be-fiancée.

“Why are you circling the house? My Dad thinks some weirdo is planning to rob us tonight. He was about to call the watchman.”
“Oh, I’m sorry….I arrived early, but didn’t want to be too early, so….”
“That’s OK. Now go park the car somewhere down the road and walk here. I don’t want my Dad to think you’re the weirdo.”
“That’s a good plan. I’ll do that.”

I park the car half-a-kilometer down the road and walk back. I open the gate and walk in. I’m shaking like I have the flu virus. My stomach is churning, I can feel the rush of adrenalin in my head. But I try to calm myself down. I recall reading that under stressful situations, you should take a deep breath and listen to your sub-consciousness. I take a deep breath and try to listen to my inner self:

“Run, you fool! Turn around and flee for your life!”

My sub-consciousness is panicking. But I stand my ground. Everything will be fine, I assure myself, and walk up to the door. I ring the bell.

“What should I first say when they open the door? Should I say ‘hello’ or ‘namaste’? Should I bend and touch their feet? That would depend on who opened the door. Maybe I should…”

Suddenly, the door opens. It’s her Dad. He’s looking at me.

“Say Hello”, my head says. But my vocal chords completely ignore the command. I’m just standing there looking like a fool. Her Dad is probably wondering if I’m still breathing.

My brain re-issues the command: say “Hello” –force

“Welcome” I squeak out.

WHAT?!? Why am I saying “welcome”?? It’s not even my house!

“Eh?” her Dad says. He’s now looking at me like a Cat looks at a Mouse. I’m getting the sinking feeling.

Thankfully, my GF pops in to break the tension. “Oh Hi! You’re right on time. Come in, come in” she says, leading us in.

I’ve not even inside the house, and my soon-to-be-pop-in-law thinks I’m retarded! This can’t be good.

To be continued…
[Update: Second part is here]

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