My wife and I are discussing which movie to go to on a Saturday morning.

Me: “Pirates of the Caribbean looks like a really good movie. Lets go watch it.”
Wife: “I don’t want to watch the gooey aliens”
Me: “No no…this one is about Pirates. You might like it!”
Wife: “I think we should go to Aap ka Suroor“
Me: “That Himesh Reshamiya movie? Isn’t he the guy that wears the hat all the time? That’s probably because he’s got a big bald head underneath.”

I’m laughing to myself, but my wife doesn’t find it funny.

Wife: “Come on, let’s go to that one. It’ll be a good movie.”
Me: “Lets not. It’ll suck the life out of my soul.”
Wife: “Don’t be such a spoil sport. Remember the last movie I took you to?”
Me: “Yeah. Aap mujhe aache lagne lage. It was a near-death experience. I remember distinctly: I got so bored that my brain forgot to ask my heart to keep beating. It was like going through a dark tunnel, and there was a light at the end of it. I crawled towards the light…”

Wife throws a pillow at me, but misses.

Wife: “And what about the movies you take me to? Spiderman eh? It seems he gets bitten by a spider, and gets all the powers. Huh! And what would have happened if a mosquito had bitten him?”
Me: “Hey, it was not just any spider, it was a genetically modified spider. Besides, mosquito bites seem to have given you some super-nagging powers.”

Wife is now starting to give me THE LOOK.

Wife: “All movies you take me to are bad. We should only go to my movies.”
Me: “If a implies b, that does not mean negation a implies negation b“
Wife: “Don’t get all mathematical on me”
Me: “That’s logical“
Wife: “I don’t believe in logic”
Me: “WHAT? You can’t not believe in logic. Logic is always true!”
Wife: “I will do what I want. This is a free country!”
Me: “Aaaaaarrrrrgggghhh…”
Wife: “You have very poor debating skills. If you can’t make proper arguments, just admit defeat”

I’m banging my head against the wall.

Wife: “Not that wall, please. Remember, we just got it painted.”

And so, I find myself standing outside the ticket counter, waiting in line for Aap ka Suroor. Just as we reach the counter, the salesman says “I’m sorry ma’am. App ka Suroor is all sold out! Would you like to watch Pirates 3?”

There is justice in this world after all!

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