Starbucks

31 Aug

Posted by Aditya Kulkarni as funny stuff, mylife

I remember the first time I went to Starbucks like yesterday. It was one of those incidents that shook me, and changed me for life.

So I’m waiting for a connecting flight at the Denver airport. It’s horribly early, and I’m terribly sleepy. I decide that a kick of coffee is what I need.

Now, back in India, getting a cup of coffee is a really simple matter. You go to a darshini, say ‘coffee’ (or any of these accepted phrases: ‘kapi‘, ‘kophee‘, ‘caafeeee‘ etc… etc…) and you get a nice, hot cup of coffee! Apparently, Starbucks doesn’t believe in simplicity. It believes in choice.

I walk up to the counter.
SalesGirl: “Hi! Welcome to Starbucks. What can I get you this morning?”
Me: “I’d like a Coffee please”
The salesgirl behind the counter looks surprised, like no one has ever asked for a simple coffee before.
SalesGirl: “Hmmm…OK. What kind of coffee would you like?”
Ah! The famous American consumer choice. I know a little bit of coffee, so I know the answer to that question.
Me: “I’ll have a latte please”
SalesGirl: “Sure. What kind?”
There are different types of latte? This is news to me.
Me: “Err…The regular kind?”
The sales girl is looking really weird at me.
SalesGirl: “Would you like Decaf?”
Me: “Maybe?”
SalesGirl: “And would you like 1%, 2% or skimmed milk?”
I have no idea what this girl is talking about. Why is a simple thing like getting coffee so problematic? I feel like I’m back in my Physics Viva exams.

Examiner: “What phenomenon causes the dispersal of light through the refractive diffraction grating?”
Me: “Errr…Light…Re..fraction?”
Examiner shaking his head.
Me: “Tindall effect? Faraday’s Cage?”
Examiner proceeds to write something down in his marks notebook.
Me, despairingly: “Newton’s Apple? Schroedinger’s Uncertainty principle?”

Back to now. The SalesGirl is also not satisfied with my answers.
SalesGirl: “Would you like your coffee to go?”
Me: “Go where?”
SalesGirl: “Here?”
Me: “What?”
SalesGirl: “OK, that’ll be two-twenty-five.”

I think she got bored with me at this point. Phew! I’m just glad it’s over. But I’ve learnt a hard lesson there.

Now, when I order coffee, I simply say “I’ll have what he just had”, pointing to the person that took the coffee before me in the line. They all taste the same anyway.

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2 Responses

tnsatish

September 1st, 2007 at 5:54 am
1

This remainds me an article “An Indian in Texas”.

http://sanjaylakhotia.blogspot.com/2005/07/indian-in-texas.html

The excerpt on this topic is

We are also being bewildered by the array of options available here. Here they are making decision tree out of the simplest of matters.
Take something simple like going to a restaurant. We are used to just going, sitting and ordering. Hah ! here it is not so simple. On entry, you are supposed to wait to be seated. Then hostess is emerging and asking you” Smoking or no-smoking “When you choose one, she will further ask you: “Table or booth ?” When you are finally seated (at smoking table/ non smoking booth, as the case might be), she will ask you for drinks. If you want wine, then you first choose red or white. Then the type. Californian/ French/ Columbian. Then under each, there are several brands. If you choose beer, it is similar; first think of light/ regular/ draft. then any of the 1001 brands. If you are getting frustrated and saying” only water please !”, then also they are not leaving you. They are wanting to know: With/ without ice, and then with/ without lemon. After this, if you still have the energy, you get around to ordering your meal. But even after when you have eaten, they are coming back with “Your payment can be by cash/ cheque/ credit card/ debit card/ charge card . . . ” The tip can be . . . . . you are getting the picture.
Vinay

September 1st, 2007 at 6:37 pm
2

You need to be happy that you didn’t order cold coffee…ugh