“Welcome to American Airlines flight 2383, non-stop service from Delhi to Chicago. This is your captain speaking. Due to unfavorable winds, our flight time today will be 15 hours 30 minutes.”

“Unfavorable winds? What does the captain think he’s doing? Wind Surfing?” I say, trying to make a poor attempt at conversation with the dude sitting next to my precious window seat.
“Yes, yes! Wind surfing. Quite the adventure sport that is!” My neighbor says, obviously not interested in the joke.
“I don’t know about you, but I really don’t want my pilot to be an adventure sports-type of person, eh?” I say.
This dude just nods his head, and turns to his iPod.

15 and a half hours? That’s a bit long. Maybe I should have got something to read during the flight. Won’t I get bored?

2 hrs later:
I’m bored out of my skull. I thought a window seat will be pretty cool, I’ll be able to stare outside throughout the flight. But all the clouds look exactly the same. It gets tiring after a while. And this so-called in-flight entertainment system has only psycho hindi movies and b-grade english movies.

4 hrs in to the flight:
I see this on the in-flight information system:

“Why is the pilot taking us over the North Pole? I know he likes adventure sports, but this is ridiculous!” I say it aloud, and the dude sitting next to me hears my complaint.
Dude: “The earth is round!”
This dude seems to have some deep insights. First of all I’m bored like crazy, and now this guy is boring me with obvious statements
Me: “Really? Wow. That IS shocking!”
Despite my obvious sarcasm, he still continues…
Dude: “Isn’t it? Because the earth’s surface is curved, the shortest path from Delhi to Chicago goes via the North Pole!”
Oh! Bummer. Not only is he irritating, but he’s also right!
Me: “Oh yeah. I knew that. Yeah, I was only trying to …. I mean …. hmm …. So, did you see any cows in Delhi?”
The easiest way to distract foreigners is to ask them about cows. They all seem to be fascinated with cows on the streets. It’s like they’ve seen a Ninja! The dude goes into a lengthy monologue about how he nearly died 6 times on his trip to Delhi, but that still doesn’t put me to sleep.

8 hrs into the flight:
My left leg has gone off to sleep. Although I’m having a lot of trouble sleeping, my individual body parts seem to have no problem going to sleep on their own. It’s like they’re revolting against my brain’s tyranny!

10 hrs into the flight:
There’s a huge queue outside the toilets. It reminds me of the time when I went to my Grandma’s village in interior Maharashtra. Villagers used to queue up outside the only toilet in the morning. And on top of that, the air-hostesses decide to serve Dinner. Or breakfast, depending on which timezone your internal clock was still on. There’s hardly any place in the aisles, and the people coming out of the toilets have to interrupt the air-hostess, who has to almost sit on a passenger’s lap to let these people cross the food cart. I’m wondering why I didn’t take an aisle seat.

12 hrs into the flight:
I’m so bored that I’ve already seen “Kal Ho Na Ho” twice on the in-flight TV! Once in Hindi and the second time in German. I still didn’t get why Shahrukh Khan goes to the US in the first place.

14 hrs into the flight:
I ‘m starting to imagine that the Tray Table is talking to me.
Tray Table: “Wanna hear a joke I made up?”
Me: “Sure, why not?”
Tray Table: “How many tray tables do you need to change a light bulb?”
Me: “I don’t know”
Tray Table: “Just one, but we call the air-hostess to do it!”
Me: “Hehe. You’re a funny tray table!”
Tray Table: “What’s the difference between a tray table and a lifejacket?”
Me: “I don’t know”
Tray Table: “Yeah. Me neither”

I think I might be loosing it. If the plane doesn’t land soon, bad things might happen.

15.5 hrs later:
“Welcome to Chicago, ladies and gentlemen. We will be landing soon, so please return to your seats ….” and the air-hostess goes into the oft-repeated rhetoric.
Finally! 5 more minutes and I would have faked a heart attack to force the pilot to land.

The plane lands on the runway and makes it’s way to the gate, and stops. Nothing happens. 5,10,15 minutes pass, still nothing happens, everyone is still sitting in their places.

Finally, the captain comes on the speaker system: “I have been informed by the control tower that the ground staff has gone off for lunch. But don’t worry, they should be back in 10 minutes, and they’ll attach the landing gates. Thanks for your patience!”

Like Hobbes said, “Life is never bad enough that it can’t get worse!”

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