I don’t understand this whole Global Warming debate. Everyone is up in arms about how all that extra CO2 is making the earth warmer. Here’s my question:

It’s a total fraud. Have you noticed how cold it is these days?

I say global warming is a good thing. I think turning up the earth’s temperature a little bit might be a good idea, because I’m feeling cold all the time. Oh, I can already hear the skeptics with their questions. For your convenience, I’ve anticipated and answered all your questions here:

Aditya’s Global Warming FAQ

Q: If the world’s temperatures rise, the sea level will rise.
A: No problems. We’ll use all the extra water for irrigation and grow more crops.

Q: What about using renewable fuel?
A: I have a really good idea for this. Let’s suck the extra mass out of fat people and burn it as fuel. This has twin benefits - There’s a endless supply of fat people, and you get cheap electricity. Plus, it is carbon neutral. This has to be the best idea ever.

Q: It is our responsibility to stop pollution.
A: That’s what we have Air Conditioners for - to keep the pollution outside. And if you really want fresh air, mosquitoes will come along. You don’t want that, do you?

Q: But look at the big picture
A: The big picture is this - The Sun is running out of fuel and is going to explode into a Giant Red Fireball in 4 billion years or so, eating up the Earth. So, there’s no point cleaning up, really.

Q: Not that big a picture. Something smaller?
A: OK. Most people breathe out CO2. If we can just somehow get rid of some 100 million people, it’ll dramatically reduce pollution.

Q: We should recycle more to help save the planet.
A: Recycling paper and plastic can only do so much. The real thing we need to recycle are electrons. Have you thought about how many electrons have to travel over the internet for you to read this blog? How do you feel wasting millions of electrons? Learn to recycle electrons - Forward this blog to all your friends to return the electrons back to the internet.

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