Did you folks hear about the latest Microsoft Excel Fiasco? Apparently, Excel 2007 can’t do simple multiplication! Typing 850 x 77.1 gives the answer as 100,000 instead of the correct 65,535. I’m not kidding. Read about it here and here.

Let me be the first to say that this is not a bug, it’s a feature. People familiar with this situation will have heard of this legend:

Q: How many Bill Gates’ does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Bill Gates will declare darkness to be the new industry standard.

Now that’s what I call a really innovative company. A company becomes innovative by challenging the rules of the game. Microsoft is challenging the very core of Mathematics. You can’t get more innovative than that.

And these mathematical rules are arbitrary anyway. Most people falsely believe that Mathematics is the language of the universe, and that the laws of mathematics hold absolutely. Huh! Some people will believe anything. Remember how people once thought that the Earth was flat? And Galileo challenged that? Well, by challenging the rules of Mathematics, Bill Gates has proven that he is the Galileo of our age.

From now on, numbers between 65,536 and 99,999 will be banned from our civilization. Don’t worry, that’s only a few numbers, no one will miss them. And we have lots of numbers, anyway. And there will be strict penalties for violating this rule.

Small Kid: “Mummy, mummy, what number comes after 65,535?”
Mum: “100,000 baby”
Small Kid: “What about 65,536?”
Mum: “Oh NO!”
The room turns into a bright blue color. The Blue-Screen-Of-Death monster emerges from nowhere and swallows the kid.
Mum: “Stupid Kid! That’s what happens when you don’t obey Microsoft.”

And thanks to Microsoft, our world will be a safer place. We can all thank Microsoft, for the fantastic innovations they have delivered over the years. Some readily come to mind:

  1. Windows hangs every 15 minutes and needs to be restarted. This is to prevent eye strain and Carpel Tunnel Syndrome.
  2. The “friendly” Clippy from Office 2000. Who can forget the enormous help and “tips” that Clippy has provided over the years.
  3. Putting the “Shutdown” button under the “Start” menu. The most logical choice! Reminds you that you have to start before you can stop. Deeply Philosophical.

That should convince all you Microsoft-haters out there. Answer me this: What has your precious Linux done for this world?

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