Starting this week, I’m going to do all of humanity a great service and start an advice column. To kick off this week, there are some questions people have asked me often. Some names have been changed to protect the guilty.

My Boss keeps asking me to do work, and that leaves me with no time to read your blog. What should I do?
– Arvind

I feel for you my friend. I can’t believe there are still barbaric people in this world that prevent ordinary, honest people like you from reading blogs at work. This is a clear violation of basic human rights.
Here’s what I recommend you do:
When your boss is out for a Coffee break, go to his Comp. Open up Outlook, Word and some other applications. Then take a screenshot of the screen and save it as a JPEG. And then, close all the applications, hide all the desktop icons and set this image as the desktop background.

When your boss comes back, he’ll click all over the desktop wondering why is his comp is not responding. He’ll restart a few times, the desktop image will come back, and the cycle repeats.

This should keep your boss busy all day, and that should give you plenty of time to read this blog.

I have a practical lab exam coming up next week, and I have no idea programming is all about. What should I do?
– Bobby

You know, it is my opinion that College education is totally overrated. I encourage you to follow Bill Gate’s example and flunk your lab exam. Purposefully. Then go ahead and draw cartoons in all your theory papers and make sure you flunk those too. Don’t make the mistake of passing your exams.

This way, you’ll be able to drop out of college. And then you can start doing something really useful with your life. I highly recommend writing a blog. There’s no future in writing a blog, no money and no hope for anything, but hey, it’s the satisfaction of the soul that matters.

There’s this really cute guy in my team, and I want him to come to me and ask me out. What should I do?
– Arpita

This is a trick question. The answer depends on what kind of guy he is. If he’s all deep and wants a meaningful relationship and talks of “soulmates”, you’re better of spending your time watching Shahrukh Khan on TV. In fact, you should walk up to him and say “Hey Buster! Shallow is the new Deep, haven’t you heard?”.

If, on the other hand, he’s shallow and not very bright, then he’s a good catch. Get him a nice Chocolate Cake. That’s all it should take.

I just bought a mobile phone last month, but there is this new phone that was released this week, and I want it really bad. What should I do?
– Darendra

As many readers on the blog have pointed out, the most optimal strategy for tackling this is to accidentally “loose” your phone. That should be a good excuse to get a new one. I know a friend who’s an expert at this. Works for him everytime.

If you have questions for Aditya’s Advice Column, send mail to advice@pointlesswanderings.com. Your identity will be kept confidential (If I feel like it).

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