“So, What are your hobbies?”

This is my most-hated question of all time. It is also the question that I get asked the most frequently. Usually, when you meet a new person, after the initial introductions and “where do you work?”-talk, this question inevitably comes up.

Have have never been able to patiently explain to anyone that I don’t have any hobbies. Everyone expects you to have meaningful hobbies that help you grow as a person - Like Carpentry or Reading Philosophy or studying the history of Stamps.

The closest I’ve come to a hobby is collecting comic books, but apparently that misses the whole “personal growth” thing. I inevitably get asked “How old are you again?” when I tell anyone I collect comic books.

I usually want to tell people that my hobby is: “I like collecting dried blood from dead insects that I like to kill with my bare hands“. At least they won’t ask any more questions after that. I tried this a couple of times, but I’m really scared someone will say “Me too!” and start discussing effective ways to dry dead mosquitoes.

The hobby question comes in different varieties - “What do you do on weekends?” or “What do you do in your spare time?” I think people who ask this question are really saying: “Tell me more about yourself, things that interest you and you are deeply passionate about”. Why don’t people understand that I’m a really shallow and superficial person? I don’t have any “deep” interests!

I think the world at large discriminates against shallow and superficial people. Have you noticed how all the bad guys in movies are shown as being really superficial? They’re only interested in money and don’t care about the “deeper feelings of Friendship, Empathy and Love for everyone?“. Oh Please. If you had money, you could outsource the “deeper feelings of Friendship, Empathy and Love for everyone” to someone else and focus on the “shallow joys of flying in your private jet“.

You know what, I’m going to make it my hobby to spread my ideas about “shallow and superficial living” to the world. I already have a religion to go with it. I’ve also thought up some catchy slogans:

“Meditation will only get you peace of mind. For a peaceful soul, gamble money at a casino!“

“Friendship and Love won’t get you to heaven, but Vodka will. Vodka: Anti-freeze for the soul!“

See Also:
- My Comic Book Collection
- My Toy Car Collection
- Adityaism - My new Religion (beta)
- How to fake Philosophy as a Hobby

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