I really don’t understand this Fashion Business. My tiny brain can’t make any sense out of it. I’m what you’d call a fashion-aethist. I just don’t believe in Fashion.

How can a Red Shirt not “go” with a Pink Pant? It smells of racism to me. Our forefathers fought hard for our independence and I will stand for the rights of the Red Shirt to go with whatever Pants it pleases. Give me freedom from the tyranny of “color combinations” or give me death, I always say. “Freedom to all the colors”, that should be our motto.

But my campaign for the right of various colored Shirts and Pants to co-exist has not gone down so well with the Wife. The other day, I was wearing a crumpled up shirt, and supposedly that’s not right. Apparently, it needs to be ironed before it can be worn. So let me get this straight: You’d torture the shirt with a burning red-hot iron, douse it with steam and remove all the lines and creases that define the personality of a shirt, all in the name of fashion? And not to talk about all the electricity that uses and global warming!

My theory is that fashion is just a mass delusion perpetuated by the big corporations. You just have to read one of these fashion magazines for proof. For the purposes of this blog post, I bravely opened up the “Vogue” magazine yesterday. All in the name of honorable scientific research, of course. What I found shocked me!

The Vogue magazine has 35 pages of ads before the table of contents. And I can’t figure out the ads at all. Your typical ad in the vogue magazine has a skinny, malnutritioned female with messed up hair, wearing what can be described best as “torn and worn out clothes” looking desperately into the camera. The only problem is that I can’t figure out if the model is saying “Buy this $10,000 Christian Dior perfume” or “Please feed me, I haven’t eaten for 3 days!”

Think about it for a while: The fashion industry is the only one where the companies tell you what you’re supposed to be wearing (i.e., what’s IN this season), and also sell it to you. They control both demand and supply.

I rest my case.

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