As you readers probably know, Sanjay Leela Bansali stole 3 hours of my life and some thousand rupees of my money. And I want my money back. I’ve been thinking of how I’d go about doing this. I thought I’ll wait at a traffic signal and pounce on him when he drives by. But that sounds very sneaky and criminal, and I don’t want to do bad things.

And so, I decided to do the honorable thing - I’m going to send him a SPAM email with a scam. Here’s my draft mail that I’m thinking I’ll send him

Dear Mr. Sanjay Neela Bansali,

I are Ram Mohan Bihari, a big fan of your movies, Sirji. I am watching all of them. When you are making Saawariya, everyone in our Village (under banyan tree) is telling it is a blue movie. I am getting excited and taking all my wild monkeys to see blue film. But it is not usual type of blue movie, but it is good. My wild monkeys are enjoying seeing your wild monkeys dance. I think they are liking the movie.

I am loving my wild monkeys very much. I am living in tribal Chattisgad, and I am training wild monkeys to dance for daily money. I am very much liking your movie because I am thinking you are doing the same. Even more is that my wild monkeys are liking your blue movie so much that they are jumping up and down. I am wanting to bring my wild monkeys to Mumbai to seeing your movie in big many plex.

But I am poor and I am needing monies to bring my monkeys. Will you, Sirji, sending me Rs. 1000 to me so I am coming to Mumbai? I am very big fan of your movies and I am hoping you are not disappointing me. Please Sirji, do it for my monkeys. I am seeing you are very fond of them, so please sending my Rs. 1000 and I am coming.

Thank you Sirji,
Ram Bihari

Do you think my scam will work? Do have any other ideas I can try to get my money back?

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