Previously on the blog, I taught you how to be a Philosopher and how to be a Fake Cricket fan. And to continue this series, I will today show you how to get the upper hand in arguments.

1. Use the “Sky is Blue” argument
When most people are in an argument, they will refuse to accept anything you say. To get around this problem, make an argument that is obviously true. Note that it doesn’t have to do anything with what you’re discussing. Once your opponent accepts any one thing you say, you’ve broken them.

Example:
Victim: “…and so, Global warming is real.“
You: “Aaha..But, you’ve forgot one important thing: The Earth rotates and revolves simultaneously“
Victim: “Eh? How is that…“
You: “Do you agree or not? ARE YOU DENYING THAT THE EARTH REVOLVES AROUND THE SUN?“
Victim: “No, I agree, but…“
You: “I’m glad you agree with me and what I have to say: Global warming is a myth. Nice talking to you. Bye, now“

2. Deny the assumptions and create new Facts
Contrary to popular beliefs, facts are not universal. You are allowed to create new facts as you please, especially if your victim is not an expert in the subject. Denying the assumptions of your victim also takes the argument to a new level. This works especially well if combined with the use of Philosophy.

Example:
Victim: “…and studies have shown that people who exercise regularly lead happier lives.“
You: “What does it mean to be happy? Can anyone really be happy? Seriously. Would you say you are happy with your life?“
Victim: “err…I mean…hmmm….“
You: “Besides, 75% of people who regularly exercised were at a higher risk of getting hit by lightning. 75%. Think about how happy you’d be if lightning hit you!“

3. FUD is your greatest weapon
FUD stands for “Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt”. Creating FUD in your opponent is the easiest way to knock him out. You have to appeal to the emotional and primal instincts of fear and uncertainty. You’ve to make your opponent feel like he’s back in the stone age and there’s a saber-tooth tiger behind him.

Example:
Victim: “…and that’s why we should teach children science and mathematics at an early age“
You: “If you teach kids science, they’ll grow up to be mad scientists, put you in a cage and start running tests on you!“
Victim: “No…they wouldn’t do that, would they?“
You: “Do you remember what happened to Socrates? I wouldn’t want a painful, screaming death where I pull out my own eyes. That’s all I’m saying“

Let me know how using these techniques changes your life dramatically. If you’re feeling especially generous that I made such a profound impact on your life, you can send me money.

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