After the dramatic success of the Advice Column and it’s second part, we now return with a third edition of the advice column where I will solve all your problems.

I’m planning to participate in Miss World next year, but I’m scared of all the questions the judges ask. How should I answer the questions?
– Miss India

Dear Miss India,

I’m glad you asked this question, because I’ve been a big fan of beauty contests. In my carefully studied opinion, the right strategy to answering beauty pageant questions is:

1) Listen carefully to the question (Or at least pretend to)
2) Ignore the question
3) Say how much you want to improve society and work for world peace.

You can also use the ’smiling-even-as-the-high-heels-are-killing-me’ look for additional points. This strategy is a sure-fire way of winning the Miss World Contest. Send me a picture when you win the crown.

The Traffic in Bangalore is absolutely driving me crazy. Especially these Auto fellows that break the signals and drive like madmen. I feel like murdering them. What should I do?
– V

Dear V,

The problem that you describe is a particularly problematic one. But no fear, I have a very innovative solution for it.

It comes from the sacred world of Zen: Ditch your car and start riding a bicycle. That should solve all your problems.

Allow me to explain: By riding a cycle, you will be breathing in all the polluted air that will markedly reduce your lifespan. And if you don’t live for very long, that means you will have this problem for a lesser about of time. But the real bonus is that your chances of getting hit by a truck and dying increase dramatically. And if you die, you won’t have to face the traffic problem at all. You’ll become a ghost, and I’ve heard ghosts can float around, and are not affected by traffic. Problem Solved!

There is this silly blogger on the internet who is defacing my name. He keeps writing some random (but partially true) stories about me and is causing problems for me. What should I do?
– Chitradeep Chetty
PS: The blog is really good, by the way.

Dear Chitradeep Chetty,

I have conducted a handwriting-analysis of your email, and I have been able to decipher some important aspects of your psychology. You clearly admire this blogger, although you won’t admit it. Listen to your inner guiding voice. What does it say? Something along the lines of “Send him some Money, Send him some Money!“, perhaps?

As the great philosopher Socrates once said: “The people that aggravate us are the ones that we really admire!“. You clearly have a lot of respect for the literary talents of this blogger you talk about. Why don’t you write a letter to him telling how great his skill is? I’m sure it will make you feel better.

If you would like to ask a question in Aditya’s Advice Column, send a mail to advice@pointlesswanderings.com. Don’t worry, your identity will be kept a secret!

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