Since I’ve been writing Aditya’s Advice Column, you (the readers) have been asking the questions and I’ve been giving the answers. But not today. Today, I’m asking a question, and I want you, the readers, to give me some gyaan about it. The person that gives the best answer wins a secret prize! So don’t wait. Leave your answers as comments!
Q: I’m really bad at remembering birthdays of folks (I have no trouble remembering my own b’day, though). So I met this friend today, and I’m am generally chatting with him. I suspect that it is his birthday, but don’t know how for sure. If I ask him if it is his birthday today, then I’ll come out as a jerk . If I don’t ask, and if it is indeed his birthday, then I’ll come out as jerk again, for not wishing him “happy birthday”. What should I do?
28 Responses
Payal
January 30th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
1Just get into a conversation where u convince him that celebrating certain days like birthday etc is so clishé and that u believe in celebrating ur life, ur presence on earth everyday and not wait for some day to arrive… and tell him thats y dont wish people on their birthday and remind them “ah! u were born today!”
by saying so he will not feel bad, and to carry on with the conversation he might mention whether it is his birthday today or not.
Payal
January 30th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
2Just get into a conversation where u convince him that celebrating certain days like birthday etc is so cliché and that u believe in celebrating ur life, ur presence on earth everyday and not wait for some day to arrive… and tell him thats y dont wish people on their birthday and remind them “ah! u were born today!”
by saying so he will not feel bad, and to carry on with the conversation he might mention whether it is his birthday today or not.
Aditya Kulkarni
January 31st, 2008 at 2:25 am
3haha … Good idea. I’ll try it on your bday.
by the way, posting twice improves your chances of winning only slightly.
Asif
January 31st, 2008 at 3:29 am
4Say something like:
“Under my new religion, Adityaism, I am not allowed to wish anyone you-know-what but since the world may not understand my true intentions and might misconstrue it as carelessness, so let us assume I have wished the person, you-know-who, who has his you-know-what today, with the right words, you-know-which, so what should we do after that? Why don’t we start with you treating me?”
Say all this with a very knowing smile.
If he looks completely clueless, then its not his birthday and you can just pretend you were trying to confuse him to treat you.
If he treats you, well, you now know
navin
January 31st, 2008 at 5:11 am
5tell him that you want to use the loo, (excuse) call his mom., and ask her, confirm, and proceed…. problem solved…..
problem 1 (that might arise) – he might get the urge to go to the loo as well, solution 1 – in which case., you tell him, “DUDE…guys dont go the restrooms in pairs!!”
solution 2 – you let him use the loo, and you make the call, you can also lock him up in the bathroom and yell “surprise!” once you confirm and open the door.
any better ones??
Sach
January 31st, 2008 at 5:27 am
6Well the conversation can go on like this —- hey so today will be your treat buddy? So definitely he will act blank and will ask Why? So you will play your cards ‘Oh come off it .. you know why.. why you always want explanantion for everything? dont be thick in this d day yaar ok lets go to —- (some posh restaurant) .. shall i dial others also.. they will be dying to join us…’ dont give him a chance even to open his mouth. Go on with your blabbering. He will go completely blank and will forget it even if it is his B’day by thinking about the loss of money and time he is going to incur. If it is not his B’day (if by chance you come to know that) the reason for treat can be for the happy get together after a long time…
Aditya Kulkarni
January 31st, 2008 at 5:39 am
7ROTFL! All you folks are geniuses! How do you come up with these?
Asif: Dude, that’s brilliant man. I can tell you’ve been studying rhetoric!
Navin: Hehehoahahaa… I can just imagine the dude’s face when I tell him I have to go to the loo!! And what will I tell his mom? “Ma’am, I’m calling from the loo to find out when your son’s b’day is.” Heheohahaha…
Sach: I really like your solution man. It has the highest probability of getting a treat!
Chirdeep Shetty
January 31st, 2008 at 5:40 am
8I think you should call Chitradeep Chetty and ask him for advice. He seems to remember quite a lot of b’days. I vaguely remember him calling and reminding you of his b’day for the last 8-9 yrs.
Oh and btw… when you call him for advice, do remember to wish him for his b’day today.
Sundar Rajan G S
January 31st, 2008 at 5:42 am
9It is a “Hard problem!”, But has an “Approximation” which can be solved in polynomial time!!
As a part of the conversation.. Ask his zodiac sign.. I am quite sure he/she will remember it and spurt it out immediately..
If the day of meeting falls outside the range of the zodiac sign..
not a birthday!! return;
he heheehaaaa
If the day falls in the range.. then, just suddenly say.. happy birthday!!! or give a hug.. The whole thing should happen in a short while.. that it should shock him/her.
If the day of meeting was indeed his or her birthday.. then there will be some sentimental exchange of thanks.. etc..
If it is not.. the person will say.. it is not today!! But dont stop shaking hands or hugging.. Just say.. belated happy birthday!! and start talking .. dont stop.. if the person says thanks.. just continue the drama..
If it so happens, that the birthday is yet to come.. just adjust by telling.. I meant.. happy birthday in advance.. Just slip of the tongue
For this algorithm to work well.. u should mug up the following:
Aries MAR 21 – APR 19
Taurus APR 20 – MAY 20
Gemini MAY 21 – JUN 20
Cancer JUN 21 – JUL 22
Leo JUL 23 – AUG 22
Virgo AUG 23 – SEP 22
Libra SEP 23 – OCT 22
Scorpius OCT 23 – NOV 21
Sagittarius NOV 22 – DEC 21
Capricornus DEC 22 – JAN 19
Aquarius JAN 20 – FEB 18
Pisces FEB 19 – MAR 20
Let me tell you one thing… It works like gem..
Especially with girls!! (which is what you care about i guess)
If you get a better solution.. please let me knw.. I use the above solution.. And I can be the brand ambassador for my solution..
I am quite sure I will win the contest!!
Sundar Rajan G S
January 31st, 2008 at 5:51 am
10btb, the mugging will get amortized
Aditya Kulkarni
January 31st, 2008 at 5:58 am
11Holy crap! I forgot Chirdeep Shetty’s birthday again this year, but he was kind enough to remind me that it was his birthday today.
Please join me in wishing Chirdeep Sheety a happy birthday today! Happy B’day maga!
Aditya Kulkarni
January 31st, 2008 at 5:59 am
12@Sundar: Oh MY GOD! You wrote an algorithm?!? Talk about nerdy geeks
But it sounds interesting! I should try it sometime!
Anonymous
January 31st, 2008 at 6:20 am
13Hmmmmm . big deal birthdays!! u just grow a day older, i dont think ny1 wud mind if u dint wish thm
Saravanan
January 31st, 2008 at 8:30 am
14I too have the same problem. this is were the “sales talk” technique comes in handy … a sales friend of mine suggested …. and I have been following it for quiet some time …. success rates at 99.99%
… you start with a praise like …. “you seem to be cheerful and bright as if you were reborn…” … mostly you will catch the prey …. atleast you will get a “clues” for your suspicion …. and you know how to act thereafter … the words are important … it throws a lot of insight into the other person’s mind and you get to know what you wanted to know …
another way … rather hitting straight …. excerpts from my experience…
Me: “…. looks like you are in the mood making me happier …. i am here with you … let me choose the place and you pay the bill …”
He : why….
Me : ( Acting as if not disturbed … ) I throw a question back “why should not it be … you look happier than ever … there should be something special today …. come on …. i could read you well ”
He : ( with murmuring …) not sure how he catches perfectly … ( pretending that I have not heard … ) … so, today is my ……
Me: ( let it be anything …. ) Ah! there you are … so, let move on then …
gotcha ….
rahman
January 31st, 2008 at 9:35 am
15simple maga… just ask him this ” so how many have called u today”
he will either turn blank n say ‘why u asking this’ which means NOT HIS B’DAY or
he will say with a count and then u say so i;m the nth person callin to wish u.. not that bad….
wat say
Aditya Kulkarni
January 31st, 2008 at 9:39 am
16@Saravanan: Brilliant man! It’s like Zen Karate – Using someone’s power against himself – hehe…. Too good!
@Rahman: Dude! Simple and effective! Well done, man! Well done!
rahman
January 31st, 2008 at 10:03 am
17now that i get a well done and effective response… wher’s the secret prize…
Aditya Kulkarni
January 31st, 2008 at 1:12 pm
18Well, it’s a secret gift, so I can’t tell you
Tamanna
January 31st, 2008 at 3:50 pm
19If he is your friend he should know that you never remember b’days. So, ask him if it’s his b’day today and when he gets mad that you don’t remember it then you yell at him saying “do you not know me at all, man? so much for our friendship if don’t remember anything abt me!” Take offense. He will probably feel guilty and give you a treat too and you won’t even have to worry about remembering his b’day next year and years after that.
Drinivas
January 31st, 2008 at 7:45 pm
20Why change for others?! PK – you are what you are – a jerk – and you know it
Haseeb
January 31st, 2008 at 7:48 pm
21This is a long term solution. This requires creating a particular image that requires some time. Here is how you do it.
When you know its someone’s birthday and you meet them that day, dont wish them. Keep giving hints showing that you know its his/her birthday, but dont wish. Talk about everything related to birthdays but dont wish. Make the birthday boy/girl crave to be wished by you. He/She will break down and say something like “Oh come on, wish me”.
After the above thing is done many times, your friends will think that this guy remembers birthdays but pretends to forget and plays around. So later you meet some friend on his birthday and you dont remember that its his birthday, then your friend will think that you are pretending and you will never come out as a jerk. He will tell you that its his birthday thinking that you are taking the prank a little too long by acting as if you dont remember it at all.
p.s : Disadvantage of this solution is that you should somehow remember birthdays till your image(as described above) is created. You might use some of the amazing ideas already posted. Then after your image is created, you dont have to worry about using any ideas.
Aditya Kulkarni
February 1st, 2008 at 6:09 am
22@Tamanna:Ooooo I really like your solution. Reverse Psychology!
@Drinivas: OOooooo…. Are you picking a fight with me, man? Ooo you just wait…
@Haseeb: Sounds like a good solution man, but it seems like it needs work on my part. And as you already know, I’m rather lazy, so…
Vinay Murthy
February 1st, 2008 at 6:15 am
23As you approach the person, start hymning “Happy Birthday to you…..” so that the person can hear it well. Or you could even wait for moments of silence in your conversations to pick up the hymn. If you get a weird/unresponsive look in exchange, stop hymning and wait for another day or tell how much you love that song. If you get a pleasant “thank you so much” kinda look, you’ve nailed the day alright.
If it really was the person’s bday and the person really didnt respond in a discernible manner, he/she cant get back to you saying you didnt wish…you did hymn the bday song, didnt you ? Singing is tantamount to wishing.
Asif
February 11th, 2008 at 8:20 am
24So who won?
Aditya Kulkarni
February 12th, 2008 at 5:58 am
25I WON. Muhahahahaaahahaha!
DI
March 21st, 2008 at 5:10 pm
26Just a suggestion…ask him..”So wat did you do special today?” If its his/her bday the answer is inevitably “Replying to calls that were pouring in for my bday” or “went to the temple for my bday” if its not, the answer will just be..”Nothing..just the usual” or something on those lines…my guess is it has a 98% chance of wrkin
all the best
Sameer
June 1st, 2008 at 7:42 am
27Geee…
Can’t you just use your cellphone’s reminder facility… ????
Aditya Kulkarni
June 12th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
28See, using the Cellphone’s reminder functionality would make me a rational, logical person. And being rational and logical is a sin in Adityaism.
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