This new year started with a bang for me. Literally. Since this was the first new year since the wife and I got married, I thought it would be cute if we exchanged gifts on new year’s day. I made a big fuss about how the gifts had to be thoughtful and how the gift had to mean something.

If there is one lesson that life has repeatedly thrown at me and I’ve repeatedly ignored learning is never to make big-shot statements like these. They have a way of coming back and biting you when you are not looking. In this case, I completely forgot about the gifts until the wife handed me her gift right after midnight.

Wife: “Look what I got you!”
Me: “What? What?”
Wife: “A train set with tracks!”
Me: “Wooo hooo! Wow! What a thoughtful gift! Thanks so much! I’ve wanted this since I was 12!”
Wife: “You’re welcome!”
Me: “Thankfully you didn’t get some silly gift like a mug or something..”
Wife: “…and I also got you a mug with our picture on it!”
Me: “Did I say mug? I meant pug. As in a small dog - pug. That’s a real word. Look it up in the dictionary if you want!”

Wife gives me a mild THE LOOK. I pretend to have not seen it and turn to my brand new train set. I start assembling the tracks and building bridges and I’m soon lost in it. The wife waits for a while, and then:

Wife: “OK. Now your turn!”
Me: “Oh?”
Wife: “You got me a gift right?”
Me: “OH!”
Wife: “So, what did you get me?”
Me: “Hmmm….. You know, I don’t really believe in this new year thing.”
Wife: “What?”
Me: “I mean… We’re just celebrating the arbitrary position of the earth in orbit around some silly ball of burning hydrogen on a day decided by an arbitrary date line.”
Wife: “You forgot to get me a gift?”
Me: “Besides, I don’t really believe in the western calendar. I follow the ancient Inca calendar. The new year starts after the next solar eclipse.”
Wife: “You forgot to get me a gift!”
Me: “And what is this date and time stuff anyway? Physicists have been trying to explain Time, but no one really understands what Time is anyway!”
Wife: “How can you forget?”
Me: “Did you know time and space are curved? Time is relativistic! Fascinating, isn’t it?”

Wife is giving me THE LOOK now.

Me: “Time is moving REALLY slowly for me right now!”

After much apologizing, I finally convinced her that I would come up with a gift the next day. But don’t worry - I’ve already thought of a thoughtful gift - I’m going to give the wife a certificate that says “I owe you a gift!”. She can use it the next time she forgets to get me a gift! What a thoughtful and cunning idea! Brilliant, no? I think she’s going to love it!

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