Have you noticed how everyone seems to “Want to get out of the city and reconnect with nature” these days? It’s almost like a fad. People keep saying how they went to this-or-that forest and how beautiful it was. I’m not really a “nature” type person. I LOVE living in the city and hate to get out of civilization. But I am alarmed at having found NOT ONE person that agrees with my view. It seems everyone is a “nature lover”. And so, to correct all your misconceptions, I want to show you why it’s a bad idea to go out and better to stay in.

The ‘You need to relax and connect to nature‘ Argument

People are always telling me this. I don’t get it. Why do I need to connect to nature? I mean, I’m always connected to the phone network and my email, how can nature be better? Plus, there are so many dangerous things out there.

Suppose you are out camping, enjoying the bonfire and the peace and quite. And then, suddenly, a Mad Hyena attacks you. What are you going to do? Tell Me? TELL ME! No camping enthusiast has ever satisfactorily answered this question, EVER! There is also the risk of snakes, leeches, ghosts and godzilla. Why would anyone take such a big risk just so that they can go out and camp?

Besides, you can relax in the city. Just head out to the nearest video game arcade, and you can relax all day if you want. Plus, all the hyenas in the video games can’t jump out AND you have a gun in the video game and you can shoot anything you like. Now that’s true relaxation!

The ‘Pollution is bad, get out and smell the fresh air‘ argument

People tell me that they want to get away from the City “To get away from the poisonous pollution”. Everybody has a misconception that Pollution is dangerous and all that nonsense. Let me present to you the correct side of the argument:

Pollution is good. I can think of several beneficial uses for pollution. Firstly, it drives away all the pesky crows, pigeons, sparrows and bees away from the city so that we don’t have to endure their droppings. Secondly, they say inhaling pollution is like smoking a pack of cigarettes. Isn’t that great? You get to experience all the fun that is smoking without all the problems like Lung Cancer and all.

The “You need nature to receive enlightenment and inner peace” argument
All the false propaganda spread by these “naturist” says that you really need to be amidst nature to experience bliss. And to that, I say ‘Bah! What Bull!‘. You can experience enlightenment and inner peace right here in the city. Getting up early to beat traffic, getting cheated by tampered auto meters, fighting and swearing at strangers! Such a wide array of emotions and excitement! Also, spending hours stuck in traffic gives you so much time to meditate. It’s a great deal, I say!

Also, there is “inner peace”. Everyone knows that inner peace can be easily obtained by going shopping to the nearest shopping mall and buying things that you don’t really need. You can even get bonus inner peace if there’s a sale going on. Every weekend is an opportunity for inner peace! I’ll bet if Buddha was born in today’s age and he chose a city to meditate in, he’d get enlightenment 10 years early!

In conclusion, let me just ask this: Why would anyone expose themselves to the rain, cold, predators and mad hyenas when they can sit inside a 10×10 room with one window? Plus, you can watch TV and Rakhi Sawant if you’re in the city. What are you going to watch when you’re camping? The stars?

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