Race MovieI’ve seen a lot of bad movies, and you can all believe me when I say I’m a bad movie expert. And this movie “Race”, is the best of them all. In the worst possible way.

Race is not one bad movie. It is many bad movies all rolled into one. This movie has so many twists and turns that it is a total wreck. The story goes in one direction, crashes into the wall, then reverses, then goes into another tangent, only to smash head on with a cow, then the story gets on a horse and rides around the town and then the horse collapses and the story then hitches a ride on a spaceship to go into the 7th dimension by which time its back at the starting position and goes into an infinite loop. Even if by some miracle you managed to understand that description, you will still not understand just what the hell the movie is about!

I think the writers of the script came to work every day, forgot where the story stood yesterday, and asked “What kind of movie should we write today?”, and went on to ignore that  too and wrote whatever they felt like anyway. The result is a story that goes from tragedy to comedy to car chase to love scene to item number to god-knows-what in under 3-and-a-half minutes, so thoroughly confusing the actors that they have no idea what’s going on, and the director can’t figure out the story either, so he’s asked the make-up man to direct the movie while he goes and reads the script for the 73rd time, trying to figure out why a horse that won the race is actually the loser but a winner in retrospect, while the writers are at a party, and a drunk one says “Lets bring back the dead hero“, and the second writer says “You mean like bees saal baad?” and the third one, more drunk than the first says “Naa, lets not wait so long. Lets bring him back just like that!”

The writers of this movie have written such a spectacularly incomprehensible story that they could have written a text book on 3-dimensional vector mathematics - I would have understood equally little of it. I think the invention of the pen is to blame for it all. The bollywood writer must have seen the pen and exclaimed: “You mean I can write down whatever comes into my head and that will become the story of a movie?!?? This is soooo cooooool!“.

The sensational stupidity of the movie is matched only by the songs. The director must have given the writers the job of putting 5 songs, and the writers had no idea where to put the songs, so they put it in randomly in the story, because hell, who’s going to understand the story anyway? This leads to the unmistakable bollywood style song-dance-movie which progresses like this:

Saif Ali Khan: “How should we pay the bank $100 million?”
… Song & Dance featuring item number shot in a dance club / corn fields of switzerland / a beach in Miami …
Secretary: “I don’t know how we can get so much cash.”

But the biggest problem the writers must have faced is when to end the story, because, the story just keeps going on and on, with absolutely no conclusion in sight. Even at the absolute end, there is yet another twist, that indicated the horrifying possibility of a part “2″ of the movie. In my humble opinion, the right place to end the movie is right after the starting credits - because the rest of the movie adds absolutely no value.

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