Bollywood never makes the movies that I want to watch. My ideal movie would star Altaf Raja singing his soporific songs, his wife then gets frustrated and kills him. He is then reborn as Himesh Reshamia and comes back and avenges his death in the previous birth by singing to her, and she dies of a ruptured ear drum. Now that’s a movie I’d pay to watch.

Instead, we decided to go to this “Rab Ne Bana Di Joodi” movie. Watching the promos, I thought the story would be something like this: SRK has a daughter who is not getting good marks in her college, so he puts her in a dance class, and she wins consolation prize. The End.

But NOOOOOO! The heroine, who is indeed young enough to play his daughter, is actually HIS WIFE, and the movie is the same story as a 1960’s flop-movie-love-story. The movie theatres should introduce a new feature, where at the security gate, you can leave your intelligence and innate sense of logic, because god forbid if you carry your common sense into the movie theatre, it will try to hang itself watching this movie. The central point of this movie is the assumption that the heroine cannot recognize SRK without his pink glasses. I mean, COME ON!

Instead, it seems, SRK keeps making these same old same old love stories that nobody really understands. His appeal has now dropped below Mithun Chakraborthy’s, as is evident from Rab Ne Bana Di Joodi. This movie is just a remix of his last movie “Om Shanti Om”, with all the remotely interesting parts removed. It features the same endless song featuring a bunch of bollywood celebrities, the same jokes that were used in DDLJ and the same my-monkey-is-constipated “emotional” scenes that have become trademark Shahrukh Khan fare. If you ask me, SRK’s stock is at an all time low, and he should now just liquidate his assets and go into retirement. If he instead keeps making these movies, the government will have to bailout us, since watching this movie will certainly send you into a personal emotional recession.

You have been warned!

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