I joined ISB last year, graduated and joined my previous employer again, this time as some sort of Manager. The Wife™©® has joined ISB this year, which means I’m living in ISB as a spouse now.

There. That should more or less explain why I’ve not posted in such a long time. However, it also means that I have lots of stories to tell. <evil smile>

ISB was a very enriching experience. It allowed me to broaden my horizons and study in detail the state of the art of management research, and has enabled me to leverage my strengths and to equip myself with the requisite understanding and knowledge of the tools, processes and frameworks of modern management science that allow for efficient administration of 21st century businesses.

ROTFL. Got you there, didn’t I?

As you can see, I’ve spent most of the year honing my Jargoneese skills. It was great fun being in the company of like-minded people, people who believe that God has given us only one mouth and two ears, so we need to talk twice as much as we listen to compensate.

For the duration of the course, which is a year, the Wife and I had come to an arrangement – She would work hard and earn money, and I would blow it away spend it reasonably on living expenses. I tried to convince her to extend this arrangement to a more permanent basis, but she refused. More on that some other time.

Back to the MBA: It was a very valuable learning lesson, and the 1 year added to my already vast knowledge-base. Some of the top new things I learned at B-school that immediately come to mind are:

1) Jargon Matters:
You know how the ancient roman army had “passwords”? Everyone in an army battalion would know what this secret pass-phrase was, and if you wanted to enter the camp, you had to say the password to prove you were one of them. The MBAs have a similar thing going on. Allow me to demonstrate:

MBA1: “How’re the reports coming along?”
Correct Answer: “We need to pull data from the excel pivot tables and perform conjoint analysis to leverage insights from intermediate business process frameworks and polish it on the powerpoint”.

Wrong Answer: “They’ll be done tomorrow!”

The wrong answer is wrong not just because it doesn’t have any jargon, but also because it shows a firm commitment, something which is a strict No No.

2) Networking matters:
They say that the most important thing you take away from B-School is your wide network of future industry leaders and captains. This is undoubtedly true. B-School is the one place that suffers from the all-leader-no-follower syndrome. Since everybody is a leader, the only things that are following are stray dogs, peacocks and the occasional mosquito. The mosquito might be following only because it wants to suck your blood, but that is besides the point.

The goal of the MBA, as far as I can decipher, is to do spectacularly smart and/or stupid things, so as to etch yourself permanently in the memory of the rest of the batch, so that later when you call them asking for favors, they remember who you are.

3) MBA students can consume unbelievable amounts of alcohol:
No explanation needed.

So there you have it. Over the coming days and weeks, I will reveal all the secrets of the much-hyped MBAs, everything and anything you’ve ever wanted to know. Watch this space!

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